Party Crashers
by kinkyzombie
Summary: When the boys wake up with no recollection of Clyde's prom after party, they embark on a quest for answers. What they discover...may shock them. A humorous "mystery-drama" concoction with a pinch of slash.


0. The Awakening

It was a seemingly perfect Sunday morning in the quiet little mountain town of South Park. The sun was shining in the blue sky. The air was a lot warmer than usual, though it never really got warm in South Park. All across town, people were getting out of their beds; cooking breakfast; walking their dogs; and waking up with excruciating headaches.

It was a perfect Sunday morning for some kind townsfolk, but it was also the morning after one of the _biggest _milestones in the group of once South Park Elementary fourth graders' lives: Park County High School's Senior Prom.

__

Craig Tucker was the first to wake up. He found himself in nothing but his underwear, having fallen asleep on some tacky floral patterned couch in someone's backyard…which was strange. It took him a minute to regain his senses, and when his ability to remember things returned, he recalled that last night was prom. He had danced with his date: this hot chick from science class. He also remembered something about…a party? He looked all around him at the strewn beer cans, pillows, and toilet paper that littered the backyard he was currently in. Yes, there had definitely been a party. Not to mention the horrible couch….which was very familiar to him, now that he thought about it. He had sat upon this disgusting abomination of furniture several times because it belonged to his dear friend Clyde's mother.

It was that very moment that he heard a very angry Mr. and Mrs. Donovan from inside of Clyde's house. Clyde had somehow thrown a party, but Craig couldn't remember any of the details for the life of him. He knew he would get in serious trouble if the Donavan's found him, so he scanned the backyard for his tux, tie, shoes, and anything else that belonged to him. He had no luck, so he bolted down the street to his house in his underwear.

__

When he first heard the Donovan's booming voices, Token shot up from where he was sleeping, only to slam his head against the hard wood of the Donovan's kitchen table. He slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his curses and cries of pain. During that time, he tried to remember exactly _why _he was currently in Clyde's kitchen, under the table, and, as he looked down at himself, shirtless. He also noted that he was completely covered in marker. Someone had taken the liberty of drawing penises all over his stomach. He saw Cartman's signature beside them, and it made sense. Along with the penises were lyrics to songs, the phrase "squeeze it good", and Craig's phone number. He racked his brain for answers, trying to recollect the events of the night so he could put them in some logical order.

First there was prom.

All night he was hoping Wendy would have broken up with Stan and danced with him instead…but that wasn't really important.

After prom was Clyde's party. Clyde didn't want his parents to catch on. They were going to be the clichéd out of town parents the night of prom, so Clyde had stayed with Token the night before, and was "going back to Token's house after prom." Everything had worked out smoothly because the party had obviously occurred, though Token, for some reason, couldn't remember a single bit of it. He knew there had been drinks, but not enough to make him forget everything. Besides, there was no other explanation as to why he was under the kitchen table with the Donovan's screaming their heads off at Clyde. Token didn't exactly see the point of getting in as much trouble as his friend at that moment, especially since he had no idea what happened in the first place, so he grabbed the nearest article of clothing, which looked like the dark blue coat Craig was wearing last night, and pulled it on hastily as he slipped out the back door.

__

Clyde Donovan was in a lot of fucking trouble. He knew he had his party. He remembered opening the door and letting all the guys in. It was a guy's only party; no girls allowed, just like old times. He remembered…nothing after that. His head throbbed with confusion, his hangover, and the screaming voices of his parents.

"Clyde Donovan, you are in a lot of trouble right now!"

_Apparently._,,

"Where is the god blessed _couch, _boy?!"

_I have no idea…_

"I told you he was planning something!"

_Well you should have stopped me…_

"How was I supposed to know?!"

_Please stop yelling…_

"You better start giving us answers, son. NOW!"

_I wish I could…_

"I said answer us! Right now or-"

Clyde learned that morning that it is never good to puke on your mother.

__

Kenny McCormick woke up completely naked. He rolled over only to find himself in the arms of a butt-naked bodacious blonde bombshell with big fat titties, smeared red lipstick, and a butterfly tattoo on her right hip. He knew this woman. Ever since he turned eighteen, he'd been hitting up the Peppermint Hippo routinely. Every Friday night he'd see_ her. _Her name was Rochelle, and she was everything he could ever want in a woman. He'd given her so much of the money he'd saved up, and she always rewarded him with a lap dance. Hell, a few times she'd given him his money back. She'd slipped him kisses on his neck before. And now, Kenny had Rochelle in his arms. He looked around, concluding that he was indeed in some trashy hotel room.

Then the night before started coming back to him. Prom. He remembered wanting to ask Rochelle to be his date but knew he'd have some problems with the administration for wanting to bring a stripper. Then there was Clyde's after party. Kenny'd been stoked for it. Clyde was getting a lot of alcohol from someone he knew in college. Kenny could get as much vodka as he wanted at home - and did, frequently - but he was sure Clyde would be supplying his friends with some _good shit_, and since Kenny couldn't remember anything about Clyde's party, he was sure he had been supplied well.

__

Stan Marsh shifted in his sleep, slowly returning to the land of the conscious. He tugged at the sheets, wrapping them closer around his cold body, when he realized he was naked and brushed knees with someone…

Holy.

Fuck.

He fucked Wendy Testaburger last night!

After years of on and off dating he'd finally scored with Wendy on prom night. It was perfect. He'd dreamt about this moment for a long time, and now it had finally come true. Wendy said she'd never give it up to Stan unless they got married, and though Stan liked Wendy a lot…he wasn't exactly sure if marrying her was what he wanted to do. He must have still been really tired because he couldn't remember bringing Wendy home, but he sighed blissfully anyway and wrapped his arms around her bony waist…Stan cracked an eye open. Wendy's waist was curvy, fleshy, and all that other girly crap. In fact, the waist he was currently holding felt familiar because he was sure he'd held it before in a purely platonic way and-

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! KYLE!" Stan screamed, jumping out of bed and nearly knocking his chair over. Kyle opened his eyes in panic, saw Stan naked, and screamed himself.  
Then they heard Sharon's voice from downstairs and they shut up instantly. Stan hurried to the door, locked it, and stared at Kyle.

"What the hell happened, dude?!"

"I have no idea!" Kyle hissed in reply and looked underneath the sheets to find that he was naked as well.

"What the fuck happened at Clyde's?" Stan asked, because now he realized he couldn't remember a single bit of it. In fact, he had actually _ditched_ Wendy at prom to go to Clyde's party. They danced maybe three dances together, and then he left her. She was being a bitch about a lot of things anyway. Stan wasn't paying attention to her or _something_. He never even had the chance to have sex with her, so instead he…

"Oh, no! Oh fucking no, we did not have sex last night!" Stan shuddered at the thought.

Kyle took a few deep breaths and started to feel the nausea of a hangover. "I have no idea, dude, but whatever the fuck we drank at Clyde's house was serious."

"No shit! Oh my god. Ew. No- I can't- We didn't- We wouldn't-Oh my fucking god dude…"

Kyle, too, tried to remember what had happened. He didn't drink a lot…at least he thought he hadn't. Stan had way more than him for sure. He remembered Craig taking off his clothes at one point. That's when Butters showed up? No…Butters wasn't invited to the party…He did remember Cartman whining something about…._something_; tt was Cartman, it didn't have to make sense.  
Kyle looked over at Stan who looked like he wanted to cry and throw up all at the same time. All he could do was give his best friend an "I'm sorry if something happened."

__

Eric Cartman felt a cool wind on his face and his head bouncing against something hard. He grumbled, rolled over, and reached to pull the sheets over his head. Instead of the nice cotton sheets that may or may not have still had Wellington Bear on them - not that he was going to admit that to anyone either way- he got a face full of something scratchy and definitely not sheet-y. He opened his eyes to the world and squinted against the sunlight.

"What the fuck…?"

Cartman was in the back of a pickup truck and had just tossed hay all over him. Beside him was a _mother fucking_ sheep.

"What the _fuck!?_" he repeated more forceful this time, as if this sheep could give him the answers as to why the hell he was in the back of a pickup truck heading down some road to God knows where.  
_Think, Eric_, he told himself. _What the fuck happened? _Prom. No one had asked him so he made up a date. He said that she was being a total whore like all females and stood him up. He was hoping to receive pity from his peers but got nothing. Then all the guys headed to Clyde's party where Cartman had some beers and…and…he had some beers and…he had some beers and was now in the back of a pick-up truck.

"GODDAMIT, THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

His little wooly companion bleated happily and Cartman shot it a nasty glare. He then realized that to be in the back of a moving vehicle meant that, hopefully, there was a driver. He saw a man in a cowboy hat in the driver's seat and Cartman moved to pound on the glass. During this process, a small notepad fell out of his coat pocket. (He had to add that he was looking rather snazzy in his tux.) He picked up the notebook and opened it.

Scribbled in his handwriting was:

_Prom night. Wendy is looking beautiful. I bet myself ten dollars she breaks up with Stan on Monday cause all that fag is doing is talking with Kyle._

There were several drawings of swastikas after Kyle's name…

_After party. Stan and Kyle are totally getting gay with each other. Had a few beers myself. Feel good now. I hate those guys. _

He flipped through the pages and wondered why the hell he'd brought the notepad to begin with. On a random page near the back, and in handwriting he wasn't sure of, was the phrase "squeeze it good".

__

Wendy Testaburger hadn't gotten much sleep at all that night. Bebe woke her up, giggling and smiling like a ray of sunshine.

"I just got a call from Token. He said he woke up at Clyde's and couldn't remember anything about last night. He said that Clyde got in SO much trouble! We did it!"

Wendy groaned a "yay" and rolled back over. She heard Heidi's voice, and perhaps Red and the other girls, but she was too tired to really care. She had stayed up all night thinking about Stan. He didn't love her. He might have still liked her, but whatever spark they had reignited in their teenage years was officially gone. Prom was the last straw. She hadn't even cared much about Bebe's plan to get back at Clyde for dumping her for some girl in Algebra. Wendy had just merely followed along with it.

It was then that Wendy broke down and started crying. Bebe was gone by that time, and she had the room to herself. She buried herself in the comfy pillows and cried.

"Um…Wendy?"

She knew that voice and its strange drawl very well. She rolled over and saw Butters rubbing his knuckles. His blonde hair was messy and he looked like he'd been crying too. His prom attire was wrinkled and there was fear in his eyes.

Wendy had totally forgotten he stayed the night after they had kidnapped him.

"Wendy, I'm going to be gruh-grounded!"

"Don't worry, Butters. I'll tell your mom and dad that I came to see you because I was lonely about Stan leaving me, and that I wanted your company because I really like you. It'll be a good plan and I'll even pose as your girlfriend so if your parents hear any of the rumors going around at school, you can at least try and deny them with me."

Wendy couldn't believe _what the hell_ she was saying. She'd never really even been _friends _with Butters over the years and now she was going to pose as his fake _girlfriend_?  
Butters was also very confused and it was evident on his face. He bit his lip. Wendy was super smart so it should work. He just nodded and hoped to _God _that it worked.

__

Craig had gotten home before his mom woke up and found that someone had written "squeeze it good" on the back of his underwear. Token's house was humongous and he managed to sneak in without getting caught. Kenny spent his Sunday with his lovely lady doing things that he was totally proud of. Stan and Kyle parted ways at noon, unable to look at each other anymore. Cartman had to call his mother once he got service on his cell to tell her that a horrible prank had gone wrong and he was now at a gas station in Fort Collins. Wendy's plan worked and Butters wasn't grounded.

The mystery of Park County High's Senior Prom and Clyde Donovan's after party was beginning to unfold.

Some were going to seek answers. Some were going to keep secrets.

Some were going to find out things they never wanted to know.

Who wrote "squeeze it good" on Craig's ass, Cartman's notebook, and Token's arm?

Was it Officer Barbrady?

Timmy?

The 1991 Denver Broncos?


End file.
